He loves me!

So friggin excited about this whole thing. Our relationship has gone so fast its ridiculous. I've never treated any other relationship like this before.

Some of my friends thought I was crazy for going on trips with this guy who I just met BUT I trust him. It doesn't seem weird at all until I realize how short a time I've actually known him. It feels like I've known him longer. I have two favourite parts in our relationship though. One was when we were at Daytona Beach in Florida and the waves were so strong, I could stand a few feet away from him and the waves would push me into him.

My most favourite part happened more recently though. He came to one of my classes (yes, school started again.) and during the lecture, pulled my paper over so he could write me a note. He wrote "I love you." and that was all. I almost fell off my chair. I wanted to leave the room and go make out with him or something. It was the first time he ever told me that and I really liked the randomness of the whole thing.

beanie.

Its approaching 3am. I SHOULD be sleeping buuuut I'm not. I start the drive to Florida soon. I wanted to all the driving myself...looks like that won't be happening. I'll have to let the boy drive for a while. Not so bad. What is bad is that the whole trip almost fell a part.

I stole my parents' timeshare from them this year; meaning that I only have to pay $700.00 for a week of accomodations. I did this thinking that at least 2 of my friends would be able to come with me. 3 of my friends that said they were coming ended up not being able to. Just lucky that the boy got laid off and was able to find a friend to come at the last minute. SixtySix and Darwin are headed across the country to Vancouver where SixtySix will be for the next two years.

I'm not going to lie, I definitely cried when she left...inside a bar and then again when I got home and AGAIN the next day just after we hugged our last hug...until October. She'll be back in October. I also cried again today when I was driving through her old neighbourhood.

Well, we're chatting about a potential departure time so I think I have to wrap this up...we've been spending the night drinking beer, playing cribbage and watching Saw II on silent with Brand New playing loudly in the background. Its been an awesome night and this Jimmy guy seems like less of a sketchbag than when I met him 2 hours ago. Time to leave. Good thing I've only had one beer or else we'd have no driver to start the journey :)

P.S. I just found out that the boy's nickname all through university was Beanie...or a variation of. (Benis....)

fuck, fuck, fuck

I have a new car. I doubt I’ll be able to afford to drive it for much longer. Insurance is going to be SKY HIGH. I already have one speeding ticket under my belt (79 in a 50) and then I also had a minor car accident. Now I have another speeding ticket to add to my pile. I was going 108 in an 80. I’m hoping that the demerits won’t kill me too bad. I think I handled it well although I couldn’t look at the officer when she was asking me for my registration and license. While she was writing me the ticket, there was a lot of “shit, fuck…fuck, fuck, fuck. Shit. Not demerits please…I can’t afford to drive anymore. Shit, shit, shit.” Funny part is…only not all that funny at all…is that I’ve only had the car for four days and I’m already getting a ticket. I guess this sort of thing happens though…you know…testing out the new car, wanting to see how fast she’ll go. Only that’s not what I was doing AT ALL. All I wanted to do was get to work on time.

You see, Chase was in Tillsonburg playing at a bar called The Underground Lounge. So it being somewhat close to London and of course having the boy live in Tillsonburg, I really wanted to go. So I went and then drank too much to drive home so I stayed overnight and planned to drive home in the morning. The show was mediocre…metal, screaming in the mic. I don’t mind metal but I don’t like to be screamed at. I had a great time hanging out with the boy and his friends though. That part was definitely worth the trip. I did end up getting back to London for work with 5minutes to spare.

Speeding, I guess was unnecessary and cost me more than I can pay.

another day older

It was my birthday yesterday. I'm 22 now. Old.

The Boy came to London for some celebrations. First time meeting my family and he stayed ALONE with them while I left for my soccer game. Cutest thing I've seen in a long time...Boy came walking up with one of my nephews on his shoulders. Really, really cute.

After drinking a mixed drink and having 2 shots, we drunkenly walked to Brass Door. In the bar, I met up with Jos who had lovingly made me a birthday gift that I loved showing to people...even strangers. It embarassed her and made her uncomfortable. The gift was the drunkest picture of the two of us in a frame that she decorated herself. Very nice. My friends did a lot of nice things for me...Medini sang and played a song during which he proposed.

I'm not sure how much I drank but I didn't stop after I got to the bar. I remember telling the bartender about how drunk I was and then following it up with..."but you should still definitely serve me....I'm drunk, but serve me!" The last thing i remember is hearing Dr. Mario coming from Sarah's TV and throwing up into a pink garbage can. So hot. Glad the boyfriend wasn't there to see that one...

I'm alive, I swear.

I don't blog very often...I should start doing that.

A lot has happened since May 10th

• Said some things to my ex that I shouldn't have
• My 1999 Sunfire got broken into and all my CD's stolen
• Met a boy at Molly Bloom's while drinking away the sorrows of losing all that was in my car
• Went to Montreal with the boy I met at the bar (it was awesome)
• Attempted to replenish my CD collection
• Bought a car...its a 2004 Volkswagon Golf and I pick it up on Tuesday. Its blue.
• Planned a trip to Florida...for the last week of August

I'm excited about pretty much everything these days. I think the boy is what I'm most excited about closely followed by the car. Insurance will be expensive because of my speeding ticket AND the little fender bender that I got myself into in March. They happened within a week of each other. Oops. I'm a good driver though...just bad luck.

Thats the fastest update I'd ever give anyone but I promise to blog more often. Even though it makes me a nerd.

finding out what matters

I can't sleep and I know exactly why. Its not because I'm not tired and it's definitely not because I'm sick. I've decided that its because I have this one REALLY big regret that's overcoming all my thoughts and making me feel really guilty to the point where I'm restless. Restless if I'm not constantly moving or busy planning something. From now on, I've decided that I need to be completely honest wiht everyone...even myself. No matter how scared I am of the consequences. So this thing that i feel really guilty for lying about...not even lying, just WITH-HOLDING certain truths...I guessed what the consequence WOULD have been had I told the truth and then made that happen. This is the same reason why I have drank myself into oblivion for the last 5 months (I'm NOT an alcoholic, I swear.) and also the exact reason behind my decision to STOP this said drinking in the past month or so.

So what does it all mean? I guess I just need to have a really long, awkward conversation really soon. I'm thinking the only thing that I can lose by doing this is a really good friend BUT at the same time, what's the point of keeping this friend if the whole friendship is based on one of my lies? I'll talk to him about it and see how things go I guess. So unsure of everything right now and I've never had this in my life.

The past month has been good though. I hope that I can keep doing what I'm doing now. Staying sober to help friends who have exceeded their limit, drinking occassionally with friends and having a great time, enjoying the sport (soccer) that I love so much and had somehow lost the passion for and spending some much needed time with family. Being the friend who people can count on and the girl that isn't hungover at work. THIS, I'm proud of. I want this to be the person I am and the person others see me as. Finally I'm realizing what is important to me and realizing what so many other people realized before me.

Boredom = A Dangerous Thing

Boredom = A Dangerous Thing

Sitting at home. Summer has finally begun for me and I’m bored. Its no good because then I think too much and realize how wrong I am. I decided to continue working at Riverside Retirement Residence and not find full time employment for the summer. It’s a fun job, I really like it there BUT it makes me question all of my schooling. Maybe I’m getting a degree in the wrong field. There goes $20 000.00 down the drain. Oh well…it’s the experience right?

What else have I been doing this summer? NOTHING and it feels great! Things are finally starting to look up. Its gonna be beach weather soon (even though I’ve already been once this year…so cold). My sister is getting better which is fantastic because it means I don’t need to spend every waking hour with her and her boys and I can have some time to do my own thing. My own thing being playing soccer by myself or with friends during the day, working whenever I can and then partying all night long. Which reminds me….PARTY AT DARWIN’S new place tomorrow night. We’ll post later about that…I’m sure there will be a lot to say then.